enough of the learning lessons

i'm heading to bed now. since coming back from chicago, my life in the bay has taken multiple turns. i swear the chicago winds came following me. that, or i rode them on the way here. downtown oakland winds were so strong, the windows rattled. when has that ever happened?

this last trip was amazing. i got work done, played hard, danced like nobody was seriously watching, got closer, got to know, heard confessions, ate the best crab on the planet, felt loved, and got tangled up in the sweetest things.

our office is in the middle of a move. this, at the end of the academic school year, when we're programmatically sprinting to the finish line. it has been a fight every step of the way. i returned that monday, excited to come to work to find that our office got broken into. instantly, we were well on our way to finding a new home for the organization. today i was packing up my office. slowly, pictures are coming down, books are being stored into boxes, papers and papers.. are being recycled. it is one big purge to the end. sometimes i feel like i'm trying to keep my face above water. other times, and this is mostly i am thrilled at the growth i see in the students i've been working with this year. i smile often in class.

two more ime teaching weekeds and from here on out.. it will be all about focus. hmmm.. in less than two days, i'm heading to the doctor's. meeting my new pcp. she'a already emailed me since my appointment that was suppose to happen tomorrow, had to be cancelled. thursday. i just have to make it to thursday. i'm feeling better after all the out bursts, emotional, irrational, grounded in realism. to be honest, i tire of my learning lessons. although i am grateful for how each has shaped me, i'm a little over them. i need a break. someone hand me the "out to lunch will return at..." sign.

i know these things to be true:

i am finally at a place where i feel healthy.
in my relationships with people,
in the ways i exercise patience
to work towards the things i want.

i am loving from such a place i only thought could be imaginary, visionary
something to strive towards,
but not have in this lifetime.
i cannot say enough how good it feels, to be so wrong.

i'm crossing stage in may after such a balancing battle with graduate school, work, and community.

i've had an amazing heart to heart with my lola about my love life.
saw tons of butterflies that i believe have certainly prepared me, for all of this...

yeah.. life is sweet.
i just know.. sometimes,
i'd like to take a break



from all the learning lessons.