books and magic

bookshelf: colin thompson (bellingen, australia) blowfish: nanami cowdry (sydney, australia)

since crossing stage, i've been unable to open a book. i'm not sure if the cause of this is because the "graduation weekend celebration" lasted much longer than memorial holiday, but became a mini break from my life. nhat-ai was here over a week. we did the small things like run target errands, watch basketball games, do blockbuster nights, feast on good asian food, chill with family, have breakfast, walk around downtown... we did what i imagine the things that couples who live in the same city do. maybe a few of those simple things were done with a sense of brava... like being able to sleep next to each other on a mattress with a high thread count, on the 21st floor, with the lights of san francisco outside our window. or her meeting my family for the first time with not just my parents, but everyone in the lopez family and at least one ferrer representative from each part of the bay. the last few weeks have been about family, love, and what it means to listen. i've wanted to pick up a book. i juggle this need to pick up fiction, or maybe the ny times. i think about articles i want to read, to add to the literature review of my thesis. i think about picking up the last "boondocks" finally, or buying a sketch book to draw in. still life. pastels. yes.. it makes a lady smile at the thought of it. my grades have been coming in, and two a's mark up the last two classes i had as an ime student at usf. yes... even though my thesis work continues (which by the way, i am thrilled to have this time to do from a more physcially healthy state) i notice.. i haven't really read. i barely could handle my emails, when all i wanted was to finish the school year with the young people in oakland. big outcomes and they handled it like true pros with strength and ease.

today i found this gel skin that i'm thinking about getting for my laptop. i feel this CHANGE happening, and i want something external to represent the evolution happening internally. i can't decide on a new hair style, cutting the length off, getting a peek-a-boo highlight.. so i think about changing the one place you'll find me, if not in oakland working, or on the dancfloor dancing, or eating, eating, eating.. then thinking about the next thing i want to eat... but typing on my powerbook. nanami cowdry has a piece called blowfish that i'm also considering.

the piece by colin thompson tapped into my love of books and magic. i was suddenly craving for oh the places you'll go! by dr. seuss. i craved even for a books on critical pedagogy and decolonization which have bright orange and yellow covers. i appreciate color. i dug being able to swoon over jeff koon's work when it exhibited in chicago last summer. thompson's art flew me back into that time, and also sparked the secret hope i have of one day having my books on shelves, instead of boxes scattered from my little home, to my parent's garage, to the mystery box in my trunk. one day an office, or work space perhaps. to tuck myself away. i still enjoy the feel of newspaper in my hand, regardless of the black smudges that end up on my fingertips. i like the weight of a book or the way the turning of pages sound from reading a magazine: hyphen or time being the current appreciations.

so i miss the magic of literature. of narrative. i even miss the articles that filled my late hours. i think i've had a good break from it since may 22nd. i feel myself jumping at the joy of what is next.... there are things i need to put energy into. there are things that will reveal themselves in the next few weeks... june is here. a dream of lola sofia has me even more open to what is to come.

i know for sure, i will stop thinking about reading and writing, but just DO. i will not limit myself to visioning, but creating the very strategy that will lead to the outcome i want. a two colored checkered surface is always the playing field.

the break was sweet... i'm ready to open the books up
and see where magic
takes
me.