from the borders, to the center

The date is January 18TH a holiday celebrating the life of Martin Luther King Jr. On Twitter Saul Williams' tweet was a quote from MLK "Use your anger and frustration creatively. Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." As I put on my boots this morning, I could hear the rain hit against all the glass in the house. I held my coffee mug, a green umbrella in the other and made my way to my car, parked at Daly City BART Station. The water spilled on all sides. It is my day off but like most Mondays to Fridays, I wake up around 6 AM, and have work on the brain. I leave the comfort of warm sheets, making it a ritual not to stay under them if my mind is already racing. Racing through deadlines. Racing through heavy feelings. Racing through the start and end of the day. Bed should be where rest and love making happen, not the stressful chaos we fill our minds with. Productive or not. I drove to Borders near SF State. Let the rain pour and let my eyes land on some good literature. This was the morning priority. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Maybe a book will do the butterfly, somersault off the shelves, and land oh so perfectly into my hands. Kismet. Sometimes, books can do that.

I started to think about the last story I read. Then I tried to think about the last gay story I read. Captured in pieces here and there. Lesbian drama. Erotica. Gayness. Searching. Finding. Broken. Freedom. Stolen moments. Music. Laughter. Life. Love. And the Pursuit. Narratives from my own book of life or from others I won't count in this instant. Oh yes.. I wanted to find these themes in a fiction piece. I searched using the computer in store. I walked through Borders sadly to find, there isn't much around. Many titles aren't even available in the store. To narrow this expedition into API writers, well let's say, no sections exist. The LGBT studies section and Gay/Lesbian Fiction shelves probably total something like........... six. I should have taken a photo of it to post here. Next time for sure. Yes, I know. I know. What am I doing at Borders looking for literature by/about LGBT people? I mean smaller bookstores are more likely to have them, right? Maybe a college bookstore. SF State or USF? Most likely stores deep in the Mission or Haight street? But Borders? Really? I guess a part of me was curious as to how much I'd really find. How else will I know what is available, if I don't look? How do any of us know what can change, if we do not look at what exists? Be open-eyed. Maybe even angry because of it. Soon enough though, move into this hopeful and open heart place. Things can change.

This is what I came to realize. I'd like our literature to not be isolated to a few selected bookstores. Yes, there is nothing wrong with the mom and pop, independently owned, smaller companies. In fact, support them. Bookstores called "Anarchy" most likely have the books I wanted to read today. People probably wonder why I didn't choose to search online because I'm sure titles are readily available for the ordering. Perhaps today, I was doing a mapping of some sort. What is on the shelves of a corporate bookstore called "Borders?" Funny. There are very little stories about those communities on the "margins" in that place. In fact, there is a severe discrepancy. Or maybe I have it wrong, and what it's name actually describes, are those on the "borders," get to stay there.

What did I learn? After the first impressions of sadness, a little stint of frustration, and annoyance to try to silence that voice inside that said " I told you so," I smiled. I smiled because there exists space and open room for our narratives, our tragedy, our comedy, our eroticism, our strengths and struggles, even our children's books to be birthed. Be published and we can all be full. We will never know what is possible, until we start writing. I'm sure I won't be the only one walking into Borders in search. I am definite about not being the first. We all seek to find explanation, purpose, advice, words, pictures, that look like ourselves. Wouldn't it be fantastic to have a book butterfly and somersault off the shelves, into our hands then? Kismet. From the borders, to the center.