a total lady dons today

i'm here at gleeson library. in the stacks behind me are usf dissertations and theses. such a great place to be as i finally complete and change the "i's" on my transcript. i will save myself from writing about guilt and even shame as to why it has taken this long to be here... writing. i believe completion is around the corner. it approaches as quickly, and i hope at a pace of a road runner passing up a coyote.... because my last semester here at usf is just about to start.

i ran into aaron a fellow dons and doctorate candidate. we met in my race class first semester. it was a blessing to touch base with him. he crossed stage this past december with our other peers. all of them hooded, and now able to step away from taking classes, to finish up their research. we spoke about the relationship we have with usf professors, the benefits of learning how to work with different personalities and working styles. i value the friendship i have with aaron, and take his walking in on my little working session, as a good sign. at the end of the last term, people kept asking, "how do you do it? three classes, full time job?" the mere writing of the sentence already feels like a punch in the stomach, a playful one, but stings a little because of it's unexpectedness. hmm.. my critical pedagogy professor eased my guilt at the end of the semester. she looked at my puffy eyes, reminding me that professors here care and things will work out the way they did before. i just have to get the work done. to answer the "how do you do it" question, my former response would have been..... " i don't...... get it done. i have professors kind enough to give me extensions."

today.. my response is.. "because i have amazing people in my life, that when i feel my lowest, tell me... i believe in you." the simplest words with the biggest heart.

now here i am. with over ten books all taking turns in my hands. they are scattered on this huge table i have to myself. i'm finishing up. while i was here, i got to check in for a bit with pelema on gchat. not once did i put my headphones on while working, but instead just had the light humming from my computer and the air conditioning above my head. there was too much reading to shift through. there's a gentleman that walks by to refill his empty water bottle every hour, and right now, i can hear the sound of him flipping pages. he sits around the corner, out of sight. ----back to my gchat. pelema is a man i've known since i was 21. read again, 21. he just landed a job at the university of san diego working as the director of outreach and recruitment for the school of education. i write about this exchange because not only am i extremely happy for him, but he has reminded me of a very simple heart rule. he spoke it to me, months before the most recent absence of our.. (woo.. a priest just walked by) ....


... ok.. yes.. months before our most recent episode. an episode of absence that moves in and out of our years of friendship. our lives however, always intersecting at the right moments. during extreme change and growth. for that i am very grateful. for breaking bread with him before 2009 arrived, i feel very blessed. i'm leaving a piece of our conversation here to ground me when and if i start to stumble this semester..

Pelema: glad to hear u are taking care of u first:)

the rest will come if you are taken care of

......me:you are so deserving of it. and you were right..

as long as you take care of you..

the rest will come.

i feel that. and seeing your life unfold..

the ways in which it has. ..

i believe it more than ever.

2:37 PM Pelema: thank u:)

me: i feel it though. that this year.. just brings all my lessons closer to my heart.. and hopefully.. into the world i live.

Pelema: u are good people. i am glad we spent some time together before the new year.

it will love. it will .

me: :D

2:38 PM Pelema: the world is a beautiful place and good people make it go round.

me: word.

Pelema: i gotta run. heading out tonight to celebrate.

me: have fun!!!

2:39 PM i'm celebrating with you in spirit hon..

Pelema: i have much love for you and wishing good blessings for you and all that u do

me: same here, sweetie..

Pelema: stay u. grow. but stay u

me: i will.

Pelema: besos.

2:40 PM me: xoxo

he's moving back to cali, closer to the womyn he loves in sd, and finishing up his dissertation.i'm proud of what he's done. i'm even more proud that as a fellow water sign, he did exactly what he said he'd do. handle his life and work on the things he said he needs to. now.. i watch him grow in leaps and bounds.

it's about 4:48. i'm closing this dons session to go grab some food. arlene just confused tonight for tomorrow night. the l word season premiere! i'm ready to be glued, geek out to how the writing and the directing happen in the show. i swear, i study the l word. lol. i will see mookey before he leaves for l.a. give some love to the kids... and knock out some good curriculum building tomorrow. mlk holiday and i'm working which is more than ok because all of this...

is worth it.

one day, a black book with gold writing will be on the shelf behind where i sit right now. i'll have my own hood on my gown. my theses will be done. and the next page, will be absolutely as breath taking as the moments it took to get there....