when it rains....

don't walk over metal panels on concrete streets.

i fell, more like slid on my a** on friday. yes. right in front of the huge restaurant next door to my office. fantastic i tell you! i laughed and was extremely grateful that i didn't hit my head, land on my sacral bone, or break my wrist trying to ease my fall. the rain made it possible for me to just do a really smooth slide on the street. my right shoulder still securing my bag, my right hand, still holding the bright, red umbrella keeping me from getting wet. the moment played in slow motion and the only person on the street that didn't look like he was keeping himself from laughing, was the man who is typically outside my building every morning. he asks for a dollar donation for a local paper, that is published by an organization that helps the homeless people in oakland. he is kind and never responds negatively when people say they don't have change. or say nothing at all. even walk a little faster, as they pass him, eyes fixed on their feet and the concrete pressing up against their soles.

i smiled at him, giggled, and as i got up raised my left hand and said to the observers on the street, "i'm okay!"

it's about 8:11 am on a saturday. it is the first teaching weekend of my last semester of graduate school. i sat in my car for a bit reading student's work: an evaluation of this week's training, the pass mentors free-write assignment, and the extra credit assignment i gave them on their final on thursday, after they read the "open letter." what a great teaching day on thursday! a final i believe we won't ever forget. i learned how the students view their classroom, and what progress they have made as a group since august. i was moved by their reflections both shared out loud and on the page. they named their own efforts to make their community and this world a little better. they spoke honestly about the level of respect they have for on another, growing and deepening since their first few weeks of school.

i'm sitting in the small cafe inside the school of ed, and i'm thinking about the response that resonated with me the most. students are trying to do well in school. this is their way of making the world a little bit better. they see their peers making different choices, and they choose to come to school, trying to make themselves better hoping that this decision will allow them to affect the lives of others. they want to be head of non-profit organizations that serve young womyn. they are teaching middle school students about safe sex, preventing pregnancy, and giving them skills to identify healthy and unhealthy relationships. students wrote about recycling and using less water to do their part in taking care of the planet. others discussed their participation in after school programs, mentoring, as well as, performing with an arts group that create productions that have themes that will challenge, teach, and inspire others. their tone is playful, serious, reflective, and sometimes distant because they are still thinking about the fight they had with their boyfriend, or the conflict at home they can't seem to put aside, in order to complete this assignment. i think sometimes i'm way too emotional for this job. to hold this role. to continue BECOMING an educator. my heart feels their words, and i picture their faces as i read their feelings spilling onto their binder papers.

...
....
...

...the rain is washing away the hard things for me. today has only just begun. i'm here until about four and then it is off to hayward for pep's comedy show fundraiser. i'm feeling really good about my place in the world, and like the students and leaders i work with, i am trying too. to finish school, to keep up, to stay positive when there is so much that challenges me, not to. when there are people that like to remind me of where i fail. i quiet those sounds now, and remember i'm not alone in my journey to may. one step at a time, i'm going to finish. hmmmm.... and when it rains,

i'll make it
my jazz.

peace,
m.