introspection brings direction

Brian McKnight always hits the spot. It doesn't even matter what kind of mood you're in. If you're in one, he's got you.

I want to highlight something that happened this weekend. I got to dance with my dad. One of my first cousins got married yesterday. The whole event happened at my old elementary school in Colma. Oh how journeys go 360 degrees. Most of the dance floor was empty but I walked over to the table where him and my mom had been sitting with family. Many of them I haven't spoken to since "coming out." Some, I will continue not to. I grabbed both my father's hands, and said, "C'mon Dad, it's good for your heart." He looked really handsome and he complimented me on my dress. Next to my two cousins, we held the hands of the Ferrer men in our lives, and let the whole room fade away. Twirling, dipping, laughing, just getting down. That moment, as small as it seems, represented so much for me.

There is a lot floating through me right now. I feel them all at once, and since I can't capture it in one place, I'll fade into music for the night. I told a friend of mine I'd text her if I was free to talk. We've been trying all week to make spaces to chat. I hesitate a bit, because of the mood I'm in-- but then again... isn't that why we're checking in? Hmmmm... to have a heart to heart, even if it can't be in person. She text me on Thursday, "God has brought you into my life for a reason and for that I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving!" Whether that was a mass text message, or words sent forward, that womyn has a good heart, and I've been slipping on touching base. She's free tonight and tomorrow. I better make that happen.

Here's the play list for tonight. There are a few online, so I'll place this one here. Borrowed from someone else's Imeem. Thanks Brian, you always keep it saucy.

Enjoy everyone.

Magandang gabi...
m


DISCLAIMER: Now I know he always writes those cutting break up, love songs.. but really.. the man knows how to write good music that just makes you THINK. Or in my position.. just lay down and chill out from the noise....

Brian McKnight