muddy waters

I'm guilty of not working on my thesis. Not as much as I should. This week, I made edits to chapter one, but I can't celebrate that because I've been in Cali since..... AAAAaaaaand... I haven't responded to my advisor. Diagnosis: high levels of avoidance behavior, compounded by confusion, unexpected life turns, chaos, a bleeding heart, loss of mind and roots, the search for labor, and a spring to summer split between coasts. A here and there and where the f*** am I? A tug of war. I push to get the pages edited, and I pull back when I'm reminded how far I've got to go. Raw truth. Tough love doesn't seem to be working, so how's a straight up slap in the face ripped from past pages look at the reality. I have made mistakes and who can swallow that pill? Medicine no matter how much grape or cherry flavor it tries to be, it doesn't make it dessert. Every few hours, another dose.

I have peers that are trying to write their dissertation. I think registering for one class will help. Crazy, I know. Here I was trying to be done with course work too, but it's harder to motivate. I'm not the only one sitting on a body of work. I am certainly one of the few that need to set up my interviews. Oh my goddess writing this now, is irritating me. Maybe that's what needs to happen? I should get mad at my damn self. Then after I sulk, move on. Ride this wave until I catch a new one. Alright. That's the plan. Hook up with other writers, and get our writing circle on.Push through the unproductive thinking, and get over myself already! Lastly, keep sitting in places that motivate the typing.

Where's that boogie board at?
::wink::