...called time
it has been a heavy week. i've learned that sometimes, when i think my intentions are to do right it can end up all sorts of wrong. i'm learning that i have walls up and i lack for now, the strength to believe in things. richter scales wouldn't be able to pick up these small magnitudes shaking me, but oh how they do. while i appreciate the gangstress attitude i've had to adapt in order to survive the things i must, i deeply miss the womyn i use to be. maybe she still lives in me. sitting quietly, allowing me to grow into my own. smiling at the way i make mistakes, learn, unlearn, trip, and fall face down. does she raise my chin so i remember the sky? does she stretch out her hand so i can grab onto something familiar, but simply forgotten these past few years? i'm not sure. perhaps it is my task to get to know her now and listen to her words of wisdom. i've made it a habit to not listen to her whispers. those reminders of self-love and self-worth. a pisces can often make a home in the darkest spaces. with brooding eyes, swim blindly.
lately, she has seen me.. hit brick walls and watch as red fell across my knuckles. she has watched me harden when it was safe to be gentle. to myself and to her. she has seen me smile, move forward and drop my defenses. it is a process to pick up pieces, and i am realizing that broken glass is best left on the ground, or else i cut myself. the remedy may just be, time. i will give myself that. someday... i won't bruise so easily. i may not know very much right now.. but i know that.
I Bruise Easily - Natasha Bedingfield
"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go." -Anonymous
No comments:
Post a Comment