what is write?

i had a recent conversation with someone about when we write. we shared that it typically happens, when we are at our worst. when pain feels it's most excruciating. we come to this place. effin' tragic characters, typing away on keys. spilling over. somewhere.. we feel the world becoming less what it is. it seems, we write our best work when we're experiencing loss. a death of some sort. physical or spiritual, it doesn't seem to matter. the dying of something, especially of someone--oh, even more when the someone is ourselves-- writing beco es the medicine. it becomes the stage. we perform and put our hearts down. walk away feeling alive again.

my labor in the o, makes it hard for me to find spaces to create. i feel these moments happen now, between me and the students i teach. the youth i work with. my energy exhausted at the end. hmmm.. perhaps i'm making excuses. what is write? that i stay on this comfortable path? where i write only when things hurt? when things are breaking? but even in the last year, i've kept those sentences mostly hidden. for awhile i was placing them in this other blog, that was only read by me and n. of course, life has changed. and she and i are writing in other spaces now. new words that the other person can only read--if subscribed. i fell on some of her entries this morning. we've been speaking lately, thankfully on the light side. she's home this weekend, and i am truly happy she is there.i know how much she shines.

..
..
...the room i'm staying in and my car are true reflections of the state of my world. a little bit of chaos, in neat piles. i hope by this time november, i'll be living on the other side of the bridge. in time, i'll have my things back and hopefully me, in one piece again. my heart heals from the small moments. ones filled with music. in laughter. in deep conversations. in talks about love and war and forgiveness. i'm learning how to be open and admit when i put up my walls. i'm not sure when i'll come back to this place again... but i know it's here for me.

what is write?
i'm slowly figuring it out for myself. i have to change this layout soon. maybe that's where i'll start.

here are the current sounds that play on repeat...


Memoirs of an imperfect Angel